In North all kids experience troubled times, some more serious than others. As mentoring is essential for children to grow and become mature adults, the question that may creep in your head is how to be a good mentor? There are some common traits found in a good mentor in North Singapore.
A good mentor has faith in the child. He gives the child time to develop trust in them, and values their trust. He shows that he genuinely believes in the child, and that the child has the power to change and be who they want to be. He builds up trust with his mentee. It can sometimes take months for a child to open up in front of a stranger. A good mentor in North shows that he enjoys spending time with the child, and tells them he’d like to help however he can. He starts by making sure that the child is at least on friendly terms with him, and talks to them about their mentoring experiences. He respects and practices confidentiality. He tells the child that everything is between the two of them, and that everything is confidential. He doesn’t disclose the child’s feelings, thoughts, or emotions to other people. He allows the child to handle conflicts on their own unless they ask for help.
Special Children: Their Rights and Needs
A good mentor is an active listener. Always smiling and positive, he treats the child as an individual. A good mentor listens with respect and understanding, and waits until the child has finished speaking. He shows an interest in whatever the child says by responding and asking open questions to get them to talk more. He lets the child talk for as long as they like. This helps the child in beginning to trust the mentor. A good mentor is genuine and doesn’t act like someone he’s not. He helps the child in critical thinking and problem solving. He shows that he genuinely enjoys spending time with the child, and affirms their feelings. He makes them believe that they are strong and will be able to get through it.
A man and his Dutch wife in other country are often at loggerheads as they both have strong belief systems which they feel their only child should imbibe. While the man values religion and is an emotional character, the woman is non-religious, rational and tries to suppress her emotions. Both met and got married. They speak in English, stick to their own cultures and make little effort to understand each other’s traditions. Their families have no contact.
As Psychiatirist points out, “TCK children are fortunate to be exposed to different cultural influences. Depending on their upbringing and the fluidity of boundaries between cultures, they can combine and create a new culture (i.e. the third culture). Obviously, multiple languages and cultural environments lead to a more complex experience of the world, and thus the self or identity. The pro is obviously uniqueness, they are not the same as their counterparts from the original or host culture. They are more flexible, adaptive and thus find it easier to adjust to changing environments. From a social or even a professional perspective, this is a great advantage.”
According to him, “Not belonging 100 per cent to either/or culture can be difficult for some people if they over-analyse it and focus on their deficiency or what they think they would miss, in particular if they want to belong 100 per cent to some group. Naturally, growing up in a different environment from the original culture/nation leads children to missing out on certain experiences, and thus sets them apart from their counterparts, which in the case of “going back home” can be difficult as they cannot smoothly integrate with and assimilate from the leading culture.”
Another key component of a person’s identity is language and intercultural communication. Psychiatirist said, “The frontal part of the brain where our consciousness lies starts growing when a language is learnt from the age of three. Language, besides creating a neural network, comprises the words we use to give expression to our experience of the world.”
According to him, identity refers to our dispositions and attitudes that make us what we are. “It comes from the Latin word for “sameness” and thus it also implies that we continuously look for something to associate or “identify” with in order to create stability and continuity in our lives. Language then, by its words and grammatical structures etc, shapes our experience and our expression of it, and how it is stored in our brain. If you don’t have a word for something you cannot express it and so neurolinguistically it does not exist.”
He tries to discuss the positive sides of tough situations without belittling the child’s emotions. He shares stories of his own experiences of how he got through tough situations to help the child understand they are not alone. He asks the child questions to get to know them better. He takes note of things the child is interested in. Active listening is a huge part of treating the child as an individual. He talks to them positively and commend them for sharing something that was difficult to say.
A good mentor encourages the child, provides them with resources, and celebrates their achievements. He focuses on the child’s goals, not their problems. He helps the child focus on their education, health and on their positive relationships. He finds ways to gradually get away from the child’s risky behavior. At ShutlerFitness when the child discusses one of their goals, whether small or big, a good mentor is supportive and helps them to focus on working toward their goal. He knows that children need to have goals in order to avoid risky behaviour. He uses short-term goals as a way to work towards their long-term goals, and shares ideas they may not have thought of on their own. If the child needs help finding other supportive services, he helps the child access resources they need. When the child reaches one of their goals, he tells them he is proud of them. He gives the child emotional motivation to keep going and helps them try to reach more goals. He holds them accountable for their actions so the child learns to take responsibility for themselves. He supports them throughout the process.
Child Psychologists In Singapore
A good mentor commits his time regularly for a long period. He arranges some schedule of appointments and keeps to it in North. Mentor relations are most beneficial when they last for a long time. When he has a meeting with the child, he tries not to skip it under any circumstances. He becomes the person that the child can count on to follow through. A good mentor sets some realistic expectations. He talks to the child about their goals, and lets the child know that he believes they can do well. He makes it clear he expects the child to try to reach their goals, and helps them to succeed. He discusses with the child concrete ways they can do this. He asks open-ended questions, and why the child wants to achieve their goals and how they plan on doing it. He talks to the child about ways to manage their time. He shares mistakes he’s made and how he learned from them. Sharing his own experiences, he tells the child why he thinks they should or shouldn’t do something. He builds a solid relationship so that the child places trust in him. He communicates with the child on a regular basis so they can become more comfortable with him.
Admitting that your child may have a problem is no easy task for any parent. But as some point you have to ask yourself what is best for your child. Learning when its time to take your child to see someone and when its just normal behavior can sometimes be hard to differentiate. Children go through many phases before they reach adulthood. Each phase along the way has its own hang ups and problems. Learning when it is more than just a normal childhood phase is hard sometimes for parents.
There are certain markers which tell a psychologist whether or not there maybe an underlying problem. As with all diagnosis nothing is exact but trusting the guidelines can give them a good idea whether or not your child maybe in trouble.
Below are some of the flags to let a psychologist or parent know if the child needs to be evaluated:
1. Excessively Clingy
2. Uncharacteristic disobedient or defiant
3. Changes in Behavior
5. Extreme mood swings
6. Frequent Accidents
7. Seeks Attention [Good & Bad]
8. Trouble Concentrating
9. Decrease in Grades at school
10. Sudden change in appetite
11. Weight loss
There are several reasons for changes in mood & behavior which can cause some disturbances in your family dynamic. However in extreme cases checking with a psychologist for an evaluation could prevent further trauma or problems within the household or your child's life. Watching your child closely and being aware of the symptoms could help you later on in their lives. Any time a child has had a severe trauma in their lives it is wise to have them evaluated for additional support in dealing with it. Things like a death in the family, or even a close friend moving away can interrupt their daily lives and cause distress.
If you feel that your child has been acting out of the ordinary or shown any of the above signs it is important to get them treatment soon. The earlier the treatment starts the more effective it can be for your child. Remember know one knows your child like you, and you are your child's first line of support.
In North a good mentor really thinks about why he wants to be a mentor. He really needs to be clear for himself on whether he has the time, patience, commitment and maturity required. He must honestly evaluate himself on whether there is a good enough reason or not. He gets his own training and support. Having his own support team and sources of information is very important for being a good mentor. He should regularly talks to other mentors who have experience in dealing with children personal issues. As a mentor its he must document and follow a mentoring plan. He should identify the purpose of his mentoring relationship and the course of mentoring he’d like to put in place. Shutlerfitness allows for brainstorms potential activities and discussions.
Finally, he should stay committed to his mentoring relationship with the child.