In Orchard all kids experience troubled times, some more serious than others. As mentoring is essential for children to grow and become mature adults, the question that may creep in your head is how to be a good mentor? There are some common traits found in a good mentor in Orchard Singapore.
A good mentor has faith in the child. He gives the child time to develop trust in them, and values their trust. He shows that he genuinely believes in the child, and that the child has the power to change and be who they want to be. He builds up trust with his mentee. It can sometimes take months for a child to open up in front of a stranger. A good mentor in Orchard shows that he enjoys spending time with the child, and tells them he’d like to help however he can. He starts by making sure that the child is at least on friendly terms with him, and talks to them about their mentoring experiences. He respects and practices confidentiality. He tells the child that everything is between the two of them, and that everything is confidential. He doesn’t disclose the child’s feelings, thoughts, or emotions to other people. He allows the child to handle conflicts on their own unless they ask for help.
For Third Culture Kids Travelling is Everything
A good mentor is an active listener. Always smiling and positive, he treats the child as an individual. A good mentor listens with respect and understanding, and waits until the child has finished speaking. He shows an interest in whatever the child says by responding and asking open questions to get them to talk more. He lets the child talk for as long as they like. This helps the child in beginning to trust the mentor. A good mentor is genuine and doesn’t act like someone he’s not. He helps the child in critical-thinking and problem-solving. He shows that he genuinely enjoys spending time with the child, and affirms their feelings. He makes them believe that they are strong and will be able to get through it.
A man and his Dutch wife in other country are often at loggerheads as they both have strong belief systems which they feel their only child should imbibe. While the man values religion and is an emotional character, the woman is non-religious, rational and tries to suppress her emotions. Both met and got married. They speak in English, stick to their own cultures and make little effort to understand each other’s traditions. Their families have no contact.
As Psychiatirist points out, “TCK children are fortunate to be exposed to different cultural influences. Depending on their upbringing and the fluidity of boundaries between cultures, they can combine and create a new culture (i.e. the third culture). Obviously, multiple languages and cultural environments lead to a more complex experience of the world, and thus the self or identity. The pro is obviously uniqueness, they are not the same as their counterparts from the original or host culture. They are more flexible, adaptive and thus find it easier to adjust to changing environments. From a social or even a professional perspective, this is a great advantage.”
According to him, “Not belonging 100 per cent to either/or culture can be difficult for some people if they over-analyse it and focus on their deficiency or what they think they would miss, in particular if they want to belong 100 per cent to some group. Naturally, growing up in a different environment from the original culture/nation leads children to missing out on certain experiences, and thus sets them apart from their counterparts, which in the case of “going back home” can be difficult as they cannot smoothly integrate with and assimilate from the leading culture.”
Another key component of a person’s identity is language and intercultural communication. Psychiatirist said, “The frontal part of the brain where our consciousness lies starts growing when a language is learnt from the age of three. Language, besides creating a neural network, comprises the words we use to give expression to our experience of the world.”
According to him, identity refers to our dispositions and attitudes that make us what we are. “It comes from the Latin word for “sameness” and thus it also implies that we continuously look for something to associate or “identify” with in order to create stability and continuity in our lives. Language then, by its words and grammatical structures etc, shapes our experience and our expression of it, and how it is stored in our brain. If you don’t have a word for something you cannot express it and so neurolinguistically it does not exist.”
He tries to discuss the positive sides of tough situations without belittling the child’s emotions. He shares stories of his own experiences of how he got through tough situations to help the child understand they are not alone. He asks the child questions to get to know them better. He takes note of things the child is interested in. Active listening is a huge part of treating the child as an individual. He talks to them positively and commend them for sharing something that was difficult to say.
A good mentor encourages the child, provides them with resources, and celebrates their achievements. He focuses on the child’s goals, not their problems. He helps the child focus on their education, health and on their positive relationships. He finds ways to gradually get away from the child’s risky behavior. At ShutlerFitness when the child discusses one of their goals, whether small or big, a good mentor is supportive and helps them to focus on working toward their goal. He knows that children need to have goals in order to avoid risky behaviour. He uses short-term goals as a way to work towards their long-term goals, and shares ideas they may not have thought of on their own. If the child needs help finding other supportive services, he helps the child access resources they need. When the child reaches one of their goals, he tells them he is proud of them. He gives the child emotional motivation to keep going and helps them try to reach more goals. He holds them accountable for their actions so the child learns to take responsibility for themselves. He supports them throughout the process.
Parents Should Never Say Emotionally Hurtful Things To Kids
A good mentor commits his time regularly for a long period. He arranges some schedule of appointments and keeps to it in Orchard. Mentor relations are most beneficial when they last for a long time. When he has a meeting with the child, he tries not to skip it under any circumstances. He becomes the person that the child can count on to follow through. A good mentor sets some realistic expectations. He talks to the child about their goals, and lets the child know that he believes they can do well. He makes it clear he expects the child to try to reach their goals, and helps them to succeed. He discusses with the child concrete ways they can do this. He asks open-ended questions, and why the child wants to achieve their goals and how they plan on doing it. He talks to the child about ways to manage their time. He shares mistakes he’s made and how he learned from them. Sharing his own experiences, he tells the child why he thinks they should or shouldn’t do something. He builds a solid relationship so that the child places trust in him. He communicates with the child on a regular basis so they can become more comfortable with him.
Children’s minds are as sensitive as their bodies. They are impressionable and highly dependent on their parents for love, affection, and security. As grownups, if we say or hear something that is emotionally hurtful, we are better adept at analyzing the situation and forgiving or forgetting it. Children, on the other hand, are not capable of such judgment and it is highly likely that they will take such statements much more seriously which could have potentially devastating effects on their minds and perceptions of the world and themselves.
It doesn’t need to be a parent’s intention to hurt the child. It might be spur of the moment statement but for the child, it could be much worse. It is not unusual to see parents getting angry at something their child has done during their outdoor play time. Perhaps they spoiled some playground structures or got hurt while playing despite being repeatedly told not to go near the bard wire etc. whatever the reason parents need to be careful of their words and actions towards children. Here are some of the statements that parents must avoid at all costs.
Your Sibling Is Better
Having a little healthy competition between siblings is not a bad thing, but it should never be born out of a sense of hostility or parents’ favoritism. While the kids could compete and try to outperform each other, such a statement coming from a parent could seriously hurt a child and make him shut out from the world as well as from parents. It could also harm his self-esteem and create rivalry or hatred between siblings.
Drop It Or Move On
While for elders it might be a simple statement telling the child to get over some petty issue, it is important to realize that for the child it is not as little a problem as it might appear to parents. Telling the child to get over something could potentially make him feel like his feelings are not being understood or that he is being belittled for having any such feelings. Either way, it is not good for the parent-child relationship and could also lead to feelings of grief for the little one.
Get Out Or Shut Up Or Any Form Of Yelling
Parents keep telling their children to be respectful and polite but more often than not they don’t realize that they are setting an exact example in front of them by yelling or shouting at them. Avoid any such statement which could frighten the child and make him less willing to talk or share his feelings with you. It will not only lead the child to become insolent but will also make it much harder for you to communicate with him in the future. Besides, yelling at kids is never appropriate no matter what the circumstances are.
Are You Insane?
Such a statement might come as a natural response to something silly that the child might have done. The fact is that little minds are not as sharp in observing and comprehending things as the adult minds are. Besides, children are not very adept at understanding sarcasm and such type of conversation can leave them hurt and confused. They might also feel that they are being scolded unfairly because to them what they have done made perfect sense. Make sure never to use such reactionary words to your little ones.
I Shouldn’t Have Had Kids In The First Place
Such words or anything like this could spell disaster for the child. While you might just be venting your feelings, these words could pierce deep into a child’s heart and make them feel unloved and unwanted. It is extremely important to note that children need love and affection as much as they need food and water. Therefore it must be parents’ top priority to not do or say anything that potentially makes the child feel deprived of love.
In Orchard a good mentor really thinks about why he wants to be a mentor. He really needs to be clear for himself on whether he has the time, patience, commitment and maturity required. He must honestly evaluate himself on whether there is a good enough reason or not. He gets his own training and support. Having his own support team and sources of information is very important for being a good mentor. He should regularly talks to other mentors who have experience in dealing with children personal issues. As a mentor its he must document and follow a mentoring plan. He should identify the purpose of his mentoring relationship and the course of mentoring he’d like to put in place. Shutlerfitness allows for brainstorms potential activities and discussions.
Finally, he should stay committed to his mentoring relationship with the child.